Independence Day

OK, first my apologies to those who have been awaiting updates to my blog (I never dreamed anyone WAS waiting!). I have been officially reprimanded by Jill who informed me I had been 're-fueling' long enough. ;o) Love ya, hon!

So, I had been planning on an update for quite a few days but between interviews with the local temp agencies (no jobs yet) and school visits with Janan (we've visited four as of today with two left to visit) things have been pretty busy! I'll update you on the school visits during a later blog.

Last weekend was the 4th of July (a.k.a. Independence Day) and I sent a text to some of my closest friends thanking them for supporting me in my recent independence. That text message got me thinking...

I've been pretty independent my entire adult life. I moved away from all family and friends after college, went to work for Saturn (a relatively new company), bought my own home and adopted Janan. I often heard things like, "Wow, I don't know how you do it all on your own!" or "I could NEVER do what you have done!" Well, I think we all are capable of many things we never dreamed of. Most importantly, I think we all underestimate ourselves and spend a lot of time looking outside to find happiness.

When I was single, I truly believed marriage would 'complete' me. I loved being a mom. I loved my job at Saturn. I loved living in Tennessee. I just felt the one thing missing in my life was a husband.

After leaving Saturn and moving back to Indiana, I met Andy. Since I believe everything happens for a reason, I felt Andy was my 'reason' for leaving Saturn and that now my life would be 'complete', though I then struggled with not having a job I felt 'fulfilled' in. Hmmm...

Here's what I've learned. No one or nothing else "completes" you. We are each complete exactly as we are. I don't feel like half a person now that Andy and I are no longer together. Others may accentuate us, enhance our good (or bad) points, support us and love us, but they never complete us. When we look for someone to 'complete' us, we're trying to fill a void in ourselves that can only we can fill.

Worse yet, giving up parts of yourself (I gave up a job I finally did come to enjoy, all animals, and much more so Andy would be willing to 'complete' me) for someone else will NEVER lead to happiness. Yes, I understand the importance of compromise, but compromise is not a total letting go of something core to who or what you are. Compromise is a meeting in the middle.

I now see that my desperation to find 'completeness' continually led me to believe something was missing. I'm still struggling with that. Not having a job, home or paycheck right now keeps making me feel 'incomplete' or 'less' than what I am. But, if I turn that coin over I'm so blessed to have a happy, healthy daughter, amazingly supportive, loving parents, lifelong friends and so much more.

I need to find a way to be 'whole' with what I have. I wish the same for you.