Drowning

Ever get to those places where you wonder what exactly the point is?  For me, it's been building for quite a few years (well, actually, my entire life).  


It started as vague whispers that have built, lately, into a resounding cacophony in my head I can't seem to quiet.


I look around and see so many people suffering...

• From a loss of jobs or, if they are employed, a total lack of fulfillment in what they are doing. 

• From physical, emotional and spiritual illness.

• From a break down in relationships with family, friends, partners and self.

• From a disconnection with the true source of who we are, from where we come, and from what we're destined to be.

We're killing each other, our food & water sources, our spirits and our planet.  And when I look at the big picture the only reason I see is the drive for money.  Something so totally arbitrary it only has value because we assign numerical designations to determine it's worth in our society.

But, truly, it's paper...nothing more...nothing less.  How can we not see that all the pain in our selves, our children, our society and our world can be traced back to...paper?  Something so destructible in it's very nature (it tears, burns and decomposes over time) how can we expect it to do anything but destruct?  

Despite our society getting closer and closer to an absolute delineation between the "haves" and "have nots", there are those still screaming that accumulation of wealth to the detriment of all else is what we SHOULD strive for.  Dammit, it's "the American way."  If you're a "have not" it's because you didn't want it bad enough/work for it hard enough/fight for it long enough and, therefore, you deserve what little, if any, you do have.  

Even as a child I didn't buy into this and, as I've matured, despite numerous attempts to try and align myself with that philosophy it's brought me nothing but pain, desperation and heartache.  

I KNOW in my soul this is not what life is about.  Neither do I believe it's 'ideological' or 'Utopian thinking' to believe that what's important has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with money or wealth.  

         The evolution of my soul & spirit...  

              The nurturing of the same in my child... 

                    and all those I come in contact with...

          A commitment to knowledge...

              To understanding...

                    To loving....

These are what we're here for.  What matters.  All else is fallacy, a mockery of our very existence.  A collision course with disaster. 

But, where's the way out of this hall of mirrors?  This House of Horrors I don't subscribe to, but cannot leave?  

At times it seems hopeless, but when I look into the eyes of my child I know I must stand in my power and strive to claim what I know is right and true for myself, for her and for all the other children in the world.