Lately, I seem to be finding myself in discussion after discussion about what is 'right' or 'wrong' in our world, in politics, in parenting, in food...you name it. Everyone has an opinion on these topics and a strong belief that their opinion is 'right'.
Inherent to our culture is the view that for one person's religion, point of view, life choices, etc. to be 'right' the other must be 'wrong'. For us to believe what we believe, we have to believe everything else is wrong, because if it's not then doesn't that somehow negate our own beliefs?
I don't see things that way. I whole-heartedly believe "all paths lead to the top of the mountain." We're all traveling this life, molded by our culture, birth order, parents, life experiences (past life experiences), physical attributes and so much more. None of us are walking the same path through our entire lives. Even when we do walk the same path and share experiences we often still perceive them very differently.
WHAT IF (now go with me on this crazy trip for a minute) we all started living what we believed to be right rather than trying to convince the rest of the world that what we believe is right? WAIT! Think about that for a minute. Instinctively, many of us want to say, "But, they're WRONG!" And we feel it our moral duty to 'set them straight'...'get them on the right path'...'make them see the light'.
And when we can't, we get angry.
I taught an Anger Resolution & Communication Skills class at the Oakland County Boot Camp (a program for first time felony offenders designed to give them an option to avoid prison). I always started my classes with "What makes you mad?" The answers would come flying at me faster than I could write them down.
"Stupid people!" "Drunk people!" "My parents."
"Idiot drivers!" "Sergeant _____." (fill in the name of the current Sergeant)
"Recruit _______ (insert name of the fellow prisoner who was pissing them off at the moment.)
After they exhausted their responses, I asked them to look for one common denominator in every answer they gave me. Some got it immediately and others had to really think about it, but it always came out. On the surface, it looks like people make us angry. And, on the surface, that's true. But if we just look a bit deeper, we'll see it our personal beliefs about what those people are doing/thinking/saying, how they're doing/thinking/saying it, why they're doing/thinking/saying it, etc. that makes us mad.
I'd then write on the board..."People don't change people. People change themselves."
To support that I would say, "How many of you are vegetarian?"
In all the classes I taught over the year to over 300 prisoners, not a single one answered they were. Instead, I got a lot of laughter and comments like, "Real men eat red meat." or "I couldn't live without McDonald's."
So I'd asked them, "What if I spent the rest of today telling you that the animals you eat are raised in inhumane ways, how the meat is processed with hormones, and about all the health benefits of a vegetarian diet? How many of you would leave here a vegetarian?" (I only ever had one hand go up and he said he'd already been considering it. I pointed out that then I wasn't changing what he believed, just reinforcing something he was already coming to believe.) The remaining 299 all laughed and said nothing I could say would ever make them give up meat.
From there we would go on to talk about how this relates to all beliefs, be they religious, political, social, etc. and how their personal beliefs create reactions to those around them. The conversation was stimulating, sometimes heated, occasionally inappropriate, but always enlightening.
Just before we'd wrap up for lunch, I'd show a clip from the movie "What the Bleep" (one of my ALL time favorite movies) without any set up other than, "I want you to watch this quick clip and then you can go to lunch. We'll discuss it when you return."
The conversation started even before they were even seated. Without fail, the first question was,
"Is that true (right)?"
"Well, like anything," I would say, "whether something's true or not can be debated forever."
But, what I hoped to impart was that whether you believed it or not, no one can change your
'truth'.
And, I believe, the anger and ill will generated in all our attempt to do so are only hurting us.
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