Blogs, for me, seem to happen when their supposed to. So, even though I intended this blog to follow shortly after the gifted blog, it just wasn't the right time....until now.
First, let's start with what my life was like before I knew anything about 'sensory integration' and what that meant.
- Janan would NEVER wear socks. I'm not talking about she just didn't like them, found them 'uncool' or was being 'difficult', I mean she would truly MELT DOWN if you put socks on her feet from the time she was an infant. She couldn't function with them on. Shoes were also challenging, but as long as they were relatively loose and non-binding, she could manage.
- Janan not only didn't like to have her hair brushed, she would scream like a person on fire (sorry for the horrible image there, but there's no better way to describe it) no matter how gently you brushed, what type of brush you used or if her hair was wet or dry. For her, touch many of us would find gentle or pleasurable seemed painful.
- Until she was nearly 7, Janan would NOT (could not) wear pants. Similar to the issue with socks, pants were 'painful' for her. This was the easiest issue to deal with since a little girl in a skirt is quite socially acceptable. (One without socks on in MI in December or one with hair that is horribly unkempt on the other hand...). Now she will/can wear pants, but they still cannot touch her body (leggings are TOTALLY out) or be made of 'scratchy' material. This goes for underwear, as well. We always have to buy at least a size larger than she actually wears, so it doesn't touch her skin.
- Janan's spatial perception was very poor. She was always walking into walls, knocking things off tables and, most frighteningly, walking in front of cars or into other dangerous situations with no perception of what she was doing. She truly didn't seem to know where her body ended and the world began.
- Though Janan potty trained herself at just 1 1/2 years of age, she doesn't get the sensory messages from her body like most of us do when she has to "go" until the last minute. This was/is not only frustrating for me, but embarrassing for her.
There's more, but I'll go with these for now. As a new mom, I thought things like, "Well, she's just a 'girly-girl' so she prefers skirts." or "Hmmm, she's not the most coordinated child." But, sadly, I perceived a lot of what she was experiencing as "bad behavior", her being "overly dramatic" or just "not paying attention". My perceptions lead to many frustrating situations for both of us, lots of 'time outs' and lost privileges for Janan and quite a few tears on my part thinking I was just a terrible parent.
It wasn't until Janan began attending Roeper that I discovered an entire school full of children EXACLTY like her (sadly, many far, far worse - some of these children can't be touched at all) and parents all struggling like I was. Slowly, as I talked to more and more parents I began hearing the words "Sensory Integration" and learning that there were actual physical reasons for her behaviors.
However, it wasn't until after a presentation by an amazing woman (a Roeper mom and psychologist) by the name of Kim Waters that I really began to understand the world from Janan's perspective. These 'behaviors' aren't her trying to be 'dramatic' or 'difficult' at all. She TRULY receives sensory information differently than you or I.
Just like Janan's brain processes information much faster and more intensely than many of us, her body does the same. Her ears hear more, things smell stronger to her and she FEELS more. And, as with her giftedness, this is both a blessing and a curse.
Fortunately for both of us what I learned from Kim was that there are things we can do to help. While she pointed me in the direction of a few great books, Kim is really the only one currently addressing both giftedness and sensory integration. I was blessed to have an amazing resource right at the school who welcomed my picking her brain on a pretty regular basis.
So, what do I do differently now? First, and most importantly, I no longer see my daughter as 'overly dramatic' or 'difficult'. I don't fight the clothing issues. Truthfully, a child without socks will not die, baggy clothing is 'in', tags can be cut out (and no one will ever know), no one sees that her underwear are too big and, now that we live in Tucson, winter coats will not be needed.
We're still trying to work on the hair. I've given her more and more freedom to brush it herself and just try to make sure it all gets brushed to some extent.
I continue to remain vigilant when Janan is in parking lots and around breakable or dangerous items, while using some of the exercises that both Kim and the books have recommended to help her have a better spacial perception of where she is in relation to the world around her.
And, when the stimulation to Janan's system gets to be too much for her, I now know how to help her help herself. We use yoga breathing, massage, touch and physical activity to help her 'get back into her body'. (Kim once explained that many of these children feel as if they are "coming out of" their bodies and a simple touch can help them 'reconnect' to themselves.)
Thankfully, much of this will resolve itself over time and as her brain develops. Until then, I just have keep her safe, healthy and happy. Isn't that all any of us want for our kids?
For more information:
Exceptional Strategies (Kim's website)
SENG (this is just one article from the website Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted)
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