Mania

Do you know that feeling when something potentially life changing is about to happen?  It's a strange mixture of hope and fear, elation and devastation.  The manic roller coaster ride of emotions can change from one second to the next.


This past year has been a tough one with cancer diagnoses for both Mom & Dad & my job adding to these horribly stressful times for everyone.  To get through it, I've stayed focused on remission for both of my parents and a new job.


Now, as I look to 2011 I have the potential for it all.  Mom & Dad have both had great follow-ups after their radiation and chemo; I've just completed my fifth interview for a potential new job and submitted a leasing application for a new home.  This job is what I know best, pays a salary which will ease our financial burdens, and that, hopefully, will eliminate the need for daily drop off and pick-up school trips by my parents.  The home, nestled in the cul-de-sac of a beautiful neighborhood, at the base of the Santa Catalina mountains, with a park down the street, other kids for Janan to play with and practically around the corner from my parents would return a much needed sense of stability. 


One minute these possibilities bring me a joy I haven't felt in years and in the next the feeling of something I've not yet had, but which is too devastating to lose.   


I'm staying focused on the positive.  


A new job, a new home, Janan in a school she loves, and knowing, no matter the outcome, this is...the first day of the rest of our lives.