Mama's Happy Tears

 


There just aren't words, but, dammit, I'm going to try!

After Janan's illness, a rental with structural issues, the roach infested rental, and our new rental's massive, double water leak, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to "right this ship."  We seemed to be sailing on a collision course no matter which way I turned. 

But, this past month I have found myself crying happy tears - repeatedly. Janan really seems to have found her place with her new school and is happier and healthier than she's been since we left Michigan. 

When we went to the Open House and discovered the senior trip was to New York she said, "I know we probably can't afford it, but this is a sign!  It's where I want to live!  And, where I hope to go to college! Can we at least TRY?"  How do you say no?  She's fought SO hard this past year for her health, her happiness, and her life. 

As a parent, no matter how much you want to make your child's life easier and take away their pain, sometimes that's not an option. THEY have to walk through the darkness. THEY have to do the work. And, every moment tears you apart. There were times I knew that if she gave up I wouldn't blame her AND I'd go with her.  But, she never gave up. 

So, doing something I NEVER do, I made a promise I wasn't sure I could keep. I told her we'd find a way. No matter what. She'd go to New York. My thoughts were that the trip isn't until March. So, I could find a second job and use my tax refund to get her there. (Even though my dream had been to use my refund to pay off our two recent moves.)  She even agreed to sell the piano. 

Then I learned I didn't have until March. The $99 deposit was due immediately (at the same time as the $250 sports fee, $60 swimsuit, $200 of school supplies, etc.), another $300 in 30 days, and the full amount (almost $3000) no later than November 28th. 

Despite repeated, on-going attempts, I haven't been able to get a second job. The piano hasn't sold. And, the government is NOT in the business of giving advances on tax refunds. So, I thought we were fortunate when I found out I was eligible for a credit card through the new credit union that financed my car. Though that would mean taking on more debt with interest, I truly believed that was our best option.  (Really, the window on my stripper career has long since hermetically sealed itself shut.)

Then, friends started asking how they could help. They encouraged me to look at GoFundMe and other sites that let you "crowd source." However, when I learned those sites all take a rather heafty chunk for themselves, I didn't feel that was right. To be honest, as a "Single Mother by Choice," I've always felt her care was 100% my responsibility. I'm also blessed with VERY supportive parents, something many single parents don't have. So, how dare I ask for help for something as "trivial" as a senior trip?  This isn't a medical emergency. We haven't lost our home (no matter how much they all seem to be TRYING to get rid of us. 😜) I just couldn't bring myself to do it. 

Then, I got an email today from the company running her trip...with a donation link. No extra cost. No hidden fees. Just any donations going straight to her trip. I put the link on Facebook for those friends that had been asking to help. But, others stepped up and within hours we have already met the $300 requirement due this month!  

I keep bursting into HAPPY tears!  It feels surreal.  I don't feel worthy, but KNOW my daughter is. This is an opportunity that could change the course of her life and will DEFINITELY provide her memories to last a lifetime. 

How do I say thank you for that?  I'm not sure. But, believe me, I'm going to keep saying it and showing it in every way possible!  Even if we don't get another penny, we've already won the lottery. Not just financially, but emotionally. 

It takes a village. And, the village I'm a part of is the GREATEST there is. 

From the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU for making her dream come true!!!

PS: If you're learning about this directly from the blog, here's the donation link:

https://personal.efexploreamerica.com/secure/make-donation.aspx?poid=D355B3FB