A Mother's Love

My baby turned 10 on the 19th.  


A big milestone in a child's life and a Mama's.  


It's her first double-digit birthday and, as Janan informed me, she's now a 'tween' and only 5 years from her Quinceanera.  *sigh*


But it's this time of year more than any other, that I think of Santos (Janan's birth mother).  


It seems like any major milestone brings her to my mind, but Janan's birthday, the day Santos brought her into this world, seems so important.  I can give Janan so much, but none of it would be possible had Santos not carried her, nourished her and loved her.  In my heart, I often feel her wondering how Janan's doing, if she's happy, healthy, well cared for and I wish there were some way to put those worries to rest. 


Since the day Janan was placed in my arms, I've felt entrusted with the most precious gift.  Though I've benefited in ways for which there are no words, I cannot comprehend the kind of love Santos had to have to assure a better life for Janan.  I want to believe I would do the same, but would I?  Could I do whatever was necessary to give my child a better life if that meant letting her go?  


What I know in my heart is that I will give Janan every opportunity available to me...everything Santos wanted for her and more.  


I will honor this gift I've been given every second of every day.


And, should I ever be blessed with the opportunity to meet Santos, I pray she finds peace with her decision.