Thank you to all who responded so positively to my posting regarding trying to find a school for Janan. I was so touched by those who said you really learned that simply being 'gifted' doesn't mean life is easy. So, after something that happened today, I thought I'd share a bit more with you.First, I guess it would help if you knew what happened today. So here goes....
Janan has always been intrigued with the piano. When we visited my parents for the holidays she would play on the piano and my dad would teach her the basics like "Chopsticks"
and "Oh, Granny, Will Your Doggie Bite?". (You know, those REALLY annoying piano pieces every kid knows?)Now that Janan has access to a piano 24/7 she's been playing as much as possible. She even spent one afternoon writing her own song! I printed off blank sheet music from the internet (per her request), showed her where each note went and she took it from there. When dad got home, he even played accompaniment to her piece and it was amazing! Being able to show her ONCE where the notes go on the sheet music and where they correspond on the keyboard and having her write her own song is what it means to have a 'gifted' child.
So, the next time we were at Bookman's (our favorite used book store) we found a beginner piano book and Janan started working her way through it. Occasionally, dad or I would sit down with her for a 'lesson' and clarify different aspects of what the book was telling her, but for the most part she had the basics and that was all she needed to 'take flight' on her own. A voracious desire to learn and the independence to do it on her own is what it means to have a gifted child.
Today, she started formal piano lessons. It was supposed to be a time for the instructor to find out what she knew and what she didn't, determine where to start her and the actual 'lesson' would start next week. The lesson lasted just 45 minutes and when Mom & I went to pick her up, the instructor came to the door and the first words out of her mouth were, "She's GIFTED! I'm not just saying that! She really has talent!" (she's never met Janan before, so she didn't know the truth behind this statement). She then proceeded to tell us how she'd been blown away that no matter what she told Janan she just 'got it' and they were able to move on, that she stayed focused "unlike most adults I teach" and that she WANTED to learn. She gave Janan seven pages of homework and told her that if she gets that she can move forward on her own. Hearing from teachers and instructors that she picks things up quickly, is what it means to have a gifted child.
Yep, all seven pages are completed and mastered and she's moving on. I'm guessing she'll finish the entire book before next Wednesday, so I stopped at Bookman's and bought her the next two. Let's hope that holds us. Having to plan for her 'outpacing' the materials is what it means to have a gifted child.
These are just some of the positive aspects. But there's the proverbial 'flip side' to this coin.
For children who pick things up quickly, they become VERY frustrated with even the slightest challenge. No one is harder on a gifted child than the child herself. When she doesn't immediately pick up something she views herself as a failure. If the frustration continues, one of two things will happen. One, she'll decide it's STUPID and refuse to ever do it again or two, she'll melt down and begin questioning every ability she does have. Perfectionism is something they expect from themselves. How do you convince a two-year-old, who is EMOTIONALLY two that they don't have to be perfect? Uh, this goes beyond the typical 'terrible two' tantrum to the equivalent of Einstein in a diaper on the floor screaming about the fact that he can't 'write as well as Mommy'. (Yep, I've been there.)
When you learn things quickly, people (teachers especially) will expect you to learn EVERYTHING quickly. This increases the pressure and, very often, leads to the frustration and melt down that comes with even the slightest challenge.
How many of us have watched movies, YouTube videos or TV shows about children who do amazing things? A two-year-old who can read (like Janan did) or the eight-year-old guitar virtuoso, or the four-year-old singing sensation? We watch them with awe. It's unbelievable! We want to see it over and over again and, often, the child is forgotten in the midst of our facination. These children are made to perform on command, like trained dogs. Or, given responsibilities above their social/emotional abilities. They come to see themselves as what they can do and not who they are. This loops back into their belief that they need to be 'perfect' and know 'everything' or they aren't worthy.
There's a common phrase in the gifted community - Asynchronous Development. What this means is that even though Janan taught herself to read at 2, she still, at 9 1/2, struggles with using a fork and knife properly. She can write a song without ever having formal music training, but has a melt down when she has to wear socks (I've recently learned this is due to Sensory Integration issues - something VERY common in the gifted population - but that's a whole 'nother blog, folks). She can read at a high school level, but still loves to collect the Schleich fairy and elf figurines that she can spend hours playing with.
For the parents of a gifted child, you deal with having to explain to your two-year-old how babies get inside a mommy without the luxury of the old 'standbys' like "Well, a seed is planted inside the mommy and then a baby grows." Because that is quickly followed by, "What kind of seed?" "Where does the seed come from?" "HOW is the seed planted inside the mommy?" (You get the picture, right?) And when you don't answer the questions immediately, they'll FIND out the answers even if it means asking the nice lady in the line behind you at the grocery or locating the book A Child is Born on the shelf at the library and studying it for weeks (Yep, I had to buy her her own copy, because we had maxed out the number of times we could check it out from the library).
It means trying to find age AND reading level appropriate books for the four-year-old who has already completed the entire Magic Tree House series and the first Harry Potter book.
It means, having that same four-year-old explain the process of condensation, but then come screaming into your room during a thunder storm because they are petrified (like any 'normal' four-year-old).
Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change one hair on her head. She's the GREATEST person to ever come into my life and, as I always say, she's taught me more than I can probably ever teach her. But having the brain of an adult in the body, emotions and life experiences of a child leads to many challenges.
If you're interested in learning more, there are MANY great websites and books out there. These are the ones I go to regularly for help, guidance and reassurance:
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